True life crime story
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True life crime story
Shop-lifting and Theft
I don't know how to tell you this story without looking bad in your eyes. The truth is, I myself am ashamed of myself, but the good thing is, it's all in the past now. I am a converted criminal. Please think about it this way: a man is not who he was, but who he is. And I am a different person from what I used to be. All thanks to the crime cure.
I started shop-lifting at the early age. Surprisingly I was not influenced by people around me, quite the contrary. My friends were all decent kids. I was neither poor, nor do I come from a dysfunctional family, nor I can blame it on the deprived neighborhood. You could also say that I was neither blessed with perfect family or neighborhood, nor was I fed with a silver spoon. I was just an average kid, who wanted more. I still want more, but I find other ways to get it or to be OK with what I have. I don't have enough, but I have more than 90% of people on the planet. I guess I can have either too little or too much, but never enough.
The thing with me was that I did it because I could. I even got caught shop-lifting few times, but nothing happened. I was never punished, just warned. So I kept doing it. At one time I even ended up at court, but they assigned me a parole officer to whom I had to report once in a while. Ok, I got also a restraining order, telling me to keep away from the shopping mall I was caught at, but I didn't comply with it. It was the only mall in the small town I used to live at, so I had not much choice there. But I never shop-lifted there again, so it worked for them.
What these experiences showed me is that I could get away with it. Let me say this though, from a criminal's point of view there is some blame to be pointed at the system. They should have put me through some kind of rehabilitation program, for me to learn why I shouldn't steal or something like that, but they never bothered. There was no way for a young kid to learn a lesson there.
So I continued for about 10 years. On occasions I would expand my ventures into private section. I mean, I only stole from actual people when they pissed me off or when it was too easy, or too hard to resist. But that was always an exception. The rule was shops, not people. It's not like I obeyed certain rules, it just happened so.
So, if someone asks me why I did it, I would say greed now, or to put it right: weakness - I was too weak to resist greed. At the time I never even thought about it being right or wrong, I just did it because I was lured to it. I was not poor, but I couldn't afford most of the things I was lured with at department stores, so I pocketed a thing or two, when I felt like it. With time I dared more, so I did the the groceries too. I wouldn't say I was addicted to it, but when I look back I can see a constant. I only shop-lifted or stole in times when I was deprived of love. As soon as I was in a relationship, I didn't feel the need somehow, or I did it much less. It also became like a habit. Like it was in my blood. I can't really blame it on genes though, 'cause I never heard anyone in my family, dead or alive, to have a stigma of a thief or any other criminal activities.
So, how did I convert. The key for me was the awareness of the power of virtues. For example, as I read more about Buddhism, I became acquainted with the law of karma, the law of the cause and the effect. I knew the concept from my own Christian breeding, reaping what we sow, but the meaning failed to reach me. It's not like it hit me once I read about karma; it took years of proving experiences to finally get it. What I did was I analyzed my life and noticed some patterns. I noticed that in the towns where I did my 'thing', I somehow lost a lot later on. Sometimes under very mysterious circumstances my things went missing, or I got in big troubles causing me great financial losses.
When I look back on the years gone by, I can see now clearly how all the losses I suffered were related to the losses I caused to others. There is no doubt, I reaped what I sowed. Once I realized how I had to pay it back, one way or another, often in most inconvenient ways or situations, I stopped doing it altogether. And you know what, I never suffered a material loss since. Isn't that amazing?!
I never told this story to anyone. Normally I wouldn't ever tell it, but since this is anonymous and there is a prospect that I could help other victims and rapists with my inspiring experience, then what the hell! There is a lesson here for both victims: the victim of a rapist and the victim of one's own demons (the rapist).
My story happened in a land not my own. I was only 19 and working illegally abroad, hoping to raise money for my college. At my workplace I often met guys whose only interest in me was physical. I won't leave you guessing, so I'll just say it, I was a show-girl, but not a stripper, nor a prostitute, although often in company of both. Working in a night club is no picnic, I tell you that. It was definitely not my kind of scene, coming from a puritan background, but a girl's got to make a buck somehow. And at the time that seemed as an easy and fun way to do it. There was a certain charm being around people who didn't play by the rules, who didn't live their lives by the book. Living on the edge of the night and tiptoeing on the path of frivolity, there was no way of knowing how far temptations would take me, my own or those of others. Taking a walk on a wild side was my chance to often see demons in action. There were always human sharks around, lurking and striking, so I needed to learn how to swim with sharks pretty soon in my life. In my job description was playing up my sexy side. No wonder that I brought the lusty guys onto myself. I hear you saying, no wonder she brought rape onto herself. You might be right, but I was just an innocent girl, not yet aware of human errorenous zones. I saw no harm in earning by doing what I loved - dancing. My liberal spirit and also unshakeable trust in people got me in deep waters from time to time, although more often they got me to the other end, dancing with the stars in the sky.
Your guess is right, this time it was deep waters. There was a manager at the honky tonk I was working at, who was also one of the best friends of my boyfriend. At one time the guy invited me and my girlfriend to an excursion in a little town by the beach. My boyfriend was out of town on business, so I said why not. Why shouldn't I trust the guy who was my boss and in the same time good friend of my boyfriend, right? Well, I thought so.
We headed towards our destination right after work, say about 4 o'clock in the morning. On arrival we had breakfast at a luxury hotel on the beach. The manager brought along an assistant from work, so we were four of us. After the meal we were all kind of tired, 'cause it was late, so the guys took two rooms there to rest a bit and then head for the beach. The guys suggested that my girlfriend shared the room with the assistant and I with the manager. The girl didn't join me in objecting so I assumed she liked the other guy and wanted to share the room with him. So I let it. Later I found out she was as naive as a girl can be and just went along with whatever others decided. All she wanted was crash somewhere. So I ended in the room with my soon-to-be rapist, not comfortable with the idea, but seeing not much danger in the situation. Of course I didn't plan the booze. Once we got there, the guy ordered beers and soon was not all himself. So he forced me. Did he put gun to my head? You could say that, only it was a broken beer bottle under my neck. But then again, it’s not like I didn't ask for it. I can’t chase away suspicion that I brought it on myself. It was either my poor judgment or naivety. I should probably have known better than stay in that room with him after he had a few too many, but I could have never guessed he would do a horrible thing like that, now could I?
But this is not where the story ends. The best part is yet to come. So here it is. Of course I was considering to turn him in, but didn't. First of all I didn't want my boyfriend to find out, because I knew he would do something stupid. It's not like I didn't want my revenge, it's just that I didn't want to make my situation even worse. I had no rights there, working illegally, so I would have winded up in more trouble. I’d lose my job, probably my boyfriend and be deported. It was bad enough as it was. Plus I was not sure about the justice system there. I heard that in Muslim countries they sentence the women victims instead. I don't know. I might have ended up stoned or lashed. Or maybe I just read too many unfairy tales.
There's more than one way to skin a cat, you know. Somehow I was sure he’d get what he deserved one way or another. Not that I planned to take justice into my own hands. Not at all. I was counting on a little help from above. And I got it. Even if I tried, I could have never gotten my revenge better than what the guy got in the end. You can’t beat ‘the little help from above’. A few weeks later, he was put behind the bars for an attempt of murder, and got more time to serve than he would ever get it for rape. It sure beats getting caught with his pants down.
My message for the rape victims: What's done is done. There is more than one way to get ones own satisfaction in getting the guy punished. Believing in the law of cause and effect, called karma or as Christians would say it: 'what you reap is what you sowed', it puts things in perspective and gives comfort. And it works 100%. Sooner or later the guys like him get what they had coming.
My message for the rapists or victims of lust: There is just no way you can get away with it. I don't know how much you studied the laws of nature in your physics class or Sunday school or any other spiritual or religious classes, but from all of them one thing is clear and loud: what you sow is what you'll reap, one way or another. Is not like you are going to get the same thing back, like getting raped back or whatever, no, you are most likely gonna pay for it on other levels, either through a big financial loss, ruined health, or loss of loved one or whatever, because everything in the universe is related. Getting sentenced for it is the least of your troubles. The nature's law of retribution works with a mathematical exactitude and no one is above it. If you don't believe me, read about it from the latest Nobel winning discoveries of quantum physics, they should tell you, or read again Spinoza and Leibniz from your school textbooks. Everything is related on some level, and there is a consequence for every little action and thought. The problem for most is that they don't see it, because it doesn't come back to bite you in the same area, but it does bite you where it hurts. The sooner you realize it, see the consequences of your actions on the circumstances in your life, the sooner you can prevent it. So either find a way to truly apologize or watch the bumerang to hit you where it hurts.
Now there are many ways you can deal with this faulty urge you get sometimes. Seek professional help, or just find alternative. Of course, the best would be to find a way to form a healthy loving relationship with someone new or improve the one you are in, by bringing back the spark. It might seem sometimes that the whole world is against you, but the world really wants you to be well, not a threat to society, so seek help and you shall find it. The easiest way is to stop, the hardest thing is to decide it. Make that decision now and the rest will follow.
I used to be a hooligan, having a go at people mostly at football games, but also letting my aggression manifest itself at people I cared for, like my wife and kid, not to mention all the people that pissed me off. I am not proud of what I had done for years, but I am proud that I found strength to put it all behind. I am not good at writing, so I'll just say it as it is.
I had all the reasons to be who I was, a hooligan, a drug-addict, wife-molester and some more, because I was dealt bad cards right from the birth. I don't want to bore you with my pathetic story, it's not one that one gladly tells or hears. I didn't end up on the wrong side of tracks, I started there, I was already born there. The life was never good to me. Death seemed like I good option, I thought it couldn't be worse than living. So I did the life-threatening things, led a pretty dangerous life. But death never came up in my cards. So I had to go on living as best I could. But what was the best for me, it turned out not to be the best for others.
I had a lot of anger in me, not much love and not much fear. Not until I was introduced to a spiritual teaching and a guru who blessed me and help me cope with my so-called demons.
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